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When you are immersed in one of the world’s largest and most prestigious medical centers, within one of the nation’s best and busiest children’s and women’s hospitals, one thing you might not ever expect to encounter is gossip. That’s because gossip, to most of us, is something that happens in a small town, in social clubs, in church … at high schools. But the truth of the matter is it happens everywhere, even here at Texas Children’s. And if we are not careful about what we share and with whom, we can easily find ourselves being a party to hurtful, destructive behavior.

Words have such incredible power, and negative words are particularly harmful. Gossip and rumors are so potent and often ruin reputations, friendships and families. Just as devastating are false, deceitful or unkind words in the workplace. They can create a toxic environment and greatly damage an organization, decreasing our focus and productivity and causing us to lose good staff and employees. There can even be legal ramifications if career-damaging gossip defames a person’s character or impacts their employability. Something that powerful deserves our close attention.

Dr. Ed Young, the pastor of Second Baptist Church, delivered a sermon – The Transparent Secret – a few years ago about this very thing. Dr. Young explained how speaking the right words at the right time is like “apples of gold and baskets of silver.” These positive words have soothing, healing powers. They diffuse situations, strengthen relationships and comfort people. However, the opposite is just as true when we speak the wrong words to the wrong people. Dr. Young called these words rotten apples.

“Rotten apples can upset an office. A rotten apple affects a home, a club, a church or any kind of group we’re in. It’s important that we do not speak rotten apples. However, some people have that habit. It’s ingrained in their lives and in their personalities. And all of us have areas of rottenness in our speech.”

He said those who are in the “rotten apple business” – whether on the internet or telephone, in the office or in the family – cause three deaths when they spread negativity: that of oneself, the person they’re sharing it with and the victim in the story, whether it’s true or not. Because we can sometimes even unintentionally be tempted to share information that quickly crosses the line into the arena of gossip, Dr. Young reminded us of this quick test. He said there are three things we should ask ourselves before we speak: Is it true? Is it kind? And is it necessary?

Let’s examine that a bit.

Is it true? Ever hear of that expression “too good to be true?” Well I think some things are too bad to be true. Too offensive to be true. Too unlike the normal character of the person in question to be true. And often when we hear false things about people, a voice within us refutes it. Yet, we listen anyway, and worse, we may repeat it. But is it true? Also, consider the source. Is the bit of information crossing your ears coming from someone who knows the inside scoop on everybody? How is that possible? It’s not, and chances are some, most or possibly all of what you are hearing is not accurate or being shared in the right context.

Is it kind? I admit it – some things we hear will be undeniably true. Maybe we have a firsthand account of the situation. Perhaps we observed it with our own eyes. But ask yourself, if the information that you have become privy to is unkind or unflattering to the affected person, should you repeat it? Almost always, the answer is no. The momentary relief or satisfaction one might get from sharing negative information can cause long-lasting or possibly irreparable damage to someone’s reputation and self-esteem. Our words are that powerful. Make sure they don’t perpetuate unkindness.

Is it necessary? This question is critical, because it often will place a hard stop on the flow of information that might have slipped past the first two questions. In fact, when assessing if something is necessary, Dr. Young challenged, “Are you saving a life? Are you protecting someone from abuse?” Chances are, much of what’s repeated often falls in neither category.

There are things we will know about others that are absolutely true. And we may consider our actions kind because we believe the intentions of our hearts are good. But even good intentions must be questioned to maintain the best interest of all those involved. Is there really any net gain for the greater good in sharing the information you know? Depending on the information and your relationship with the affected person, maybe what he or she deserves or actually needs is guidance, a listening ear or prayer to help get them onto a better path.

Giving and being our best selves means ridding ourselves of false or negative words … getting rid of those rotten apples, as Dr. Young calls them. Instead, he suggests, give golden apples. Golden apples give health and joy. If we are mindful, we can use golden apples – positive words and constructive actions – to make an impact that builds a relationship, lifts a team’s morale or strengthens the culture of an entire organization.

Earlier this week, images of our city under water became national news. We saw abandoned cars and homes partially submerged in murky water. And newscasts shared the faces and stories of families who’d lost all but each other. Seeing these images was difficult, and hearing the stories of the losses suffered was heart wrenching.

In the midst of such devastation, the stories that also capture our collective attention are those of the people reaching out to help. As quickly as they could, people came to the rescue of neighbors and many went to areas of need to give aid and supplies. It reminds us that people’s hearts are intact and that there is much for which to be thankful. But I don’t need to look very far to be reminded of that because time and again, you demonstrate such incredible dedication to caring for our patients, especially in times of difficulty.

Early Monday, we began one-to-one hand-offs, essentially allowing a nurse to end the shift once another nurse arrived for relief. Many physicians, nurses and other staff, even after relieved, chose to remain at the hospital in sleeping rooms to rest and ensure they could provide relief for the next shift. As the leadership team met throughout the day to assess the situation across the organization, at one point, staffing was described as “adequate to abundant.” In the midst of a historic storm, our staff was here … unwavering, at the ready.

I must also acknowledge how incredible our leadership team was. They were in constant motion, assessing, responding, planning and pitching in right beside their staff and employees to ensure uninterrupted patient care and seamless operations. Sara Howell at the West Campus was one of many who sent me a note earlier this week to comment on leaders’ efforts. She said:

I was very impressed with the administration team at West Campus during the flooding. Chanda came into the EC with her running shoes on, literally. She was so eager to make sure we were functioning. When it was expressed that garbage needed to be pulled, instead of delegating this tedious task, Chanda and another admin team member put on the blue gloves and cleared out trash from patient rooms and the core area. During a time when so much was happening operationally, it was extremely impressive to have leadership make sure we were functioning at ALL levels.

I agree Sara. It was remarkable – not in the sense that it surprised me. But rather, it simply touched me so very deeply to see how selfless and committed everyone here is to our patients, their families and to our Texas Children’s family.

By the same token, I know that many of you couldn’t be here. Your heart was here, but I know you were impacted by this storm like so many others throughout our community. And evacuating, sheltering in place or taking care of your loved ones was what you most needed to do. Please know you all were in my prayers, whether you were here, taking care of our families or at home tending to yours. Also, if you were impacted by the storm, know that we are here to help. We have resources in place to provide some of the support you may need at this time.

I understand that it’s not always easy to respond to others’ needs in the midst of uncertainty. Yet, you do it without pause. That commitment and willingness to serve others is what brings us together. You’ve heard me say that it’s our calling to be here, to give of ourselves, to use our skills and talents to care for others, especially when no one else can. Thank you all for answering that call, rain or shine.

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